


Nobody Takes Me Seriously Anyway

by wannabuyahotcat



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underswap, Drunk Blueberry, Fatherly Asgore, Papyrus is kind of a dick, Sans Has Issues, alchohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 05:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10780956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannabuyahotcat/pseuds/wannabuyahotcat
Summary: Sans breaks into his brother's 'special honey' cupboard while he's out on a short trip, and spends an afternoon drinking. He wanders out into Snowdin forest, and comes across what looks like a giant door. In an angry, booze-fueled daze he rants about things going wrong in his life because of his brother's meddling to the one listening on the other side.A shortish drabble I wrote while listening to Split Enz.





	Nobody Takes Me Seriously Anyway

"Aha! Found you!"

Sans climbed down off the ladder, slipping the small silver key into his pocket as he did. The light fitting was an odd place to hide something, but since Papyrus never had the main light on it was a good of a place as any. It also made Sans feel inadequate, being so short he'd need a ladder just to reach it, whereas Pap could easily reach up and put his hand in to get it.

Just another thing to add to the list of reasons he was doing this. He hid the ladder away in his closet, he would take it back to the shed later on. Right now, there was something more important he had to do.

He slid down the banister, heading straight into the kitchen and over to a high up locked cabinet. Pulling himself up onto the counter, he could just reach it. He fished the key out of his pants, slipping it into the lock and turning it. Oh, how that metallic click made him smile.

He opened the doors, greeted to the sight of honey. These were bottles of 'special honey' that Pap had gotten from Muffet. He still owed her money for them, but Sans didn't care about that right now, he grabbed as many as he could fit in his arms and closed the door again, locking the cabinet and removing the key.

Jumping to the ground, he bolted up to his bedroom again. Once he was in, he threw the bottles onto his bed, grabbing one and ripping the top off. God, it was sweet. Almost too sweet. As he drank, it burned his throat, warmness spreading through his small body. If a couple of bottles were enough to get his brother plastered, maybe he'd only need one?

He was wrong.

He had downed 5 bottles by the time any sort of buzz hit.

He was half way through the sixth when he felt like giving up. He glared at the bottle in his hand, before throwing it across the room and falling back onto his bed.

"Ugh, this was a waste of time! Why am I not getting drunk? It isn't FAIR!"

He sighed, regretting throwing it so far. He would keep at it, even if he had to drink everything in that cupboard.

Standing up, he seriously misjudged how tipsy he was, slipping and falling onto his face. His legs didn't seem to want to support his weight right now. How pathetic, he thought to himself, crawling around on his bedroom floor like this. Soon he had the bottle back in his hands, chugging the other half before crawling back for another bottle. He stood up slowly, getting used to the feeling. At least he could walk now.

Stumble now.

Not really caring anymore, he scooped up the empty bottles and threw them into his trashcan. The number of them finally seemed to hit him, and he laughed.

"Can't handle booze? Pffft, yeah right Papy. Let's see you down that many.. Ugh.."

He needed to get out, the house was getting too warm.

Grabbing the last few bottles, he threw them into a bag and slipped on his snow boots. Or tried to. He had to sit down on the floor to get them on and laced.

Before he left, he took a quick glance back to the kitchen. Unless he went into his bedroom and saw his trash bin, Pap would be none the wiser. Good. He wasn't looking forward to his little brother bitching at him about the honey.

He slipped out the front door, clumsily locking it behind him. With the sudden rush of cold, he felt even more sloppy in his movements, making him drop his keys into the snow piled up on the patio.

"Damn it.."

He retrieved them, and set off. Where was he going? He didn't know. Wherever his feet would take him, he guessed.

It was probably a good thing skeletons didn't feel the cold as much as other monsters. It made living in a place like Snowdin much more bearable, especially in the colder times. Seasons fluctuated like they did on the surface, but it was more of a gradual thing. It always snowed in Snowdin, and it was always hot in Hotland. Waterfall was just this stagnant, wet kind of place that seemed to grow more fungus every few months. There was always fungus..

Sans had managed to get lost in his thoughts, drinking yet another bottle as he trudged on through trees and snowy ground. The occasional rock popping up to stub his toes on. It seemed like it went on forever, but he kept going.

"HELLOOOOOOO?"

Nothing.

"ECHO!"

Still nothing.

"Awww, I was hoping it would echo.. Oh well."

He continued, the harsh wind bringing mists of snow back up into the air, making it harder and harder to see what was in front of him. He wouldn't stop. He had something to prove.. What it was he had no idea, but something was willing him to keep going. Maybe so that he would miss the brunt of Pap's anger when he found out about his stash.

Hey, he still had his dog biscuits. Those Sans wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole. Drink was one thing, drugs were something completely different.

Ugh, Sans resented those biscuits. His brother was naturally lazy, and after a few of those he would be almost comatose. Everything always fell back on Sans. The cleaning, cooking, washing.. Everything! That and he had his obligation to Alphys and Royal Guard training. All of these things ate into his time, and he was left little to dedicate to things he wanted to do. It had been weeks since he had been able to go out and properly calibrate his puzzles. Why had he even thought to ask Pap to do it for him, that just meant they'd never get done.

Ugh! Sans couldn't rely on him for anything, except being at Muffet's, where he was 95% of the time. The other 5% was spent on the couch or in his room getting high or shitfaced. Sometimes both.

He was too busy wallowing in his own self pity to even notice the giant pink stone structure before him, and so had hit it skull first. He groaned as he rubbed the sore spot, the alcohol in his system soon numbing it. He stopped when he came across a giant door nestled in the bricks.

"What the?"

He had never been this far into the woods before.. He had heard about the ruins, but never in his life had he actually seen them with his own eye sockets.

Pap would never have let him go this far, especially alone.

"Ha! In your face, Papyrus! I made it all the way to the ruins without you shitting on my good time!"

He snapped his hand over his mouth, realising he had swore. It took him a moment to truly register what he was doing, and when he did, he laughed.

"Why am I so worried about him hearing me swear, he's not here! I can say anything I want!"

He pulled the honey bottle closer to his chest as he put his back to the door.

"FUCK.. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! SHIT CUNT! TWAT, BASTARD, ARSE.. FUCKITY FUCK!"

A few birds flew away from the trees, smaller monsters giving the skeleton a wide berth as he sat slumped back against the door.

"Holy fuck, that felt good.."

"Sometimes a good swearing session is needed to ease the soul." A deep voice came through the crack of the door. Sans jumped, tripping over his feet and landing on his arse in the snow.

"Wh-who's there!?"

The voice sounded close, like it was right on the other side of the door. "Sans, my dear, do not be afraid. I am sorry I waited until now to speak up. I did not want to interrupt you."

Sans dropped the bottle of honey, crawling back to the door on hands and knees. "A-asgore?"

"Yes, it is I. Your brother has told me so much, but.. Ah, many things now make sense."

The small skeleton pouted pathetically. Great, another who had been given an incorrect description of him by Papyrus. Asgore seemed to already gage his way of thinking.

"Yes, your brother has told me many things, but you see, he thinks very highly of you, my son. His coddling does not come from a place of pity, but out of love for you."

"But he just makes everything harder for me!" Sans wailed, sniffing as he pounded his fists in the fluffy, white snow. "I'm 27 and he treats me like i'm 5! I HATE IT!"

"This is understandable. I do agree that some of the things he does are not befitting a man of your age, Sans.. If you do not take issue, I can try to talk to him for you. Help him to understand why these things upset you."

Sans thought for a moment.

"I-I guess? He might actually listen to you.."

Asgore chuckled. "Yes, he does tend to heed my advice, more often than not. Maybe you should return home and rest, Sans. I would not want you to fall asleep out here in the cold."

"Sk-skeletons don't feel the cold that bad, i'm fine."

"I'm sure you are, but it would make me feel more comfortable knowing you were not trapped out in a snowstorm, but you are an adult, and you can make your own choices-"

"That's right! Like the other week, I was down at Muffet's trying to find Pap, and there's this bird monster there.. She's really pretty, but she's always really drunk. BUT she wanted to kiss me!" He paused, gripping at the bottle in his lap. "So I did, and then she actually offered to.. well, uh.. Anyway, I was like 'Heck yeah!' 'cause she's really pretty and nice, but then Pap turned up and told me to go home, and I told him I didn't want to so he grabbed me and teleported me back. It was so embarrassing! And then he started telling me that she was gross and not to get close to her cause she sleeps with everyone, but I was like 'I'm a grown up so i can make my own choices' but then he just laughed and told me to go to bed, but then the next morning I found out he went back and fu- uh.. Did things with her out the back of the bar.. And I feel.. I feel.. Angry a-and frustrated. How could he do that to me.."

Tears began to fall thick and fast down his cheeks as he cradled the bottle in his arms.

Asgore made a disapproving noise. "Yes, that is quite inappropriate. I would have expected better from him."

"He always does stuff like that!" Sans whined. "I can't find a date because all the girls I know either think i'm a kid or have been with Pap and it's not fair! I didn't ask to be the way I am! I can't help it!"

"My son.." Asgore started.

"Yeah, so what if I like puzzles and playing with action figures, I'm a grown man! I'm the OLDER brother for fucks sake! And- Oh, sorry.."

"You do not need to apologise. I do not mind."

Sans continued. "A-and I have needs! Every time I find a nice girl he always scares them away.. Or worse, he steals them! Sometimes he even brings girls that he knows I like over and.. UGH! Our walls a paper thin.."

Asgore sighed. "This is upsetting, to say the least. I do understand why you feel this way. I will have some strong words for your brother when he next visits."

"I-I'm sorry, Asgore. I just.. I think I needed to vent. Sorry if I disturbed you.. I'll go now."

"You did no such thing." He could almost hear his soft smile as he spoke. "It is unhealthy to keep things bottled up for so long, and I do not blame you for taking the actions you have. In the end, it has let you feel more at peace with yourself, has it not?"

Sans stood up slowly, kicking at the snow around his feet. "Yeah.."

"Then almost no harm done." Asgore chuckled. "I would suggest a good nights sleep after all of this, for I fear you will be feeling poorly by morning, my son."

"Oh, I forgot about that part." Sans groaned. Tomorrow he'd have a killer hangover, and he wasn't looking forward to it. "Uh, thank you for listening to me, Asgore, even if it was a bit TMI. It was nice to talk to you."

"You too, Sans. Do return some time when you are feeling chipper."

Footsteps could be heard through the crack of the door, disappearing into the cavern behind it. When it was finally silent, Sans started on his trek back home.

***

It was dark when he finally reached Snowdin town. He trudged the rest of the way home, hoping that Papyrus wasn't there already. He just wanted to sleep this whole day off.

Fumbling his keys and opening the door, he was met with a very pissed off Papyrus. He was stood in the entry way holding Sans' trash bin, the bottles all stacked up on top.

"What the fuck, bro? Did you seriously drink all of this?"

Sans reached into his bag, pulling out the other empty bottles. He stuffed them into the bin, while Pap just stared at them, and then back to his brother.

"And those. I'm gonna go to bed. I'll buy more tomorrow, and I'll pay Muffet back for all these." Sans yawned, walking around his brother and heading to the stairs. "Goodnight Papyrus."

".. Goodnight?"

Sans disappered into his room, leaving Papyrus to scratch at his skull.

"Holy shit, bro.. I underestimated you."

"You certainly have."

Papyrus jumped, a huge figure looming in the open doorway. As the lounge room light seeped out, his features became distinguishable. Pap took a step forward when he recognised those horns and gold mane. "Asgore? Wh-what are ya doin' so far outta the ruins?"

The giant goat monster smirked, reaching out, leading the awestruck Papyrus out the door with a gentle paw on his back.

"We have much to discuss, my son."

Papyrus didn't like that tone. "Why do I get the feelin' I'm in trouble or somethin'?"

The ex-King chuckled. "You could say that.."

**Author's Note:**

> You can listen to the song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkk5kZxe_ks) if you'd like. :)


End file.
